MY MIND COULDN’T RECOGNIZE YOU, BUT MY SOUL DID

Author: Parvati Van de Wijngaard

In 2011–2012, I felt completely lost and empty. Even though I had many people around me, I felt incredibly lonely. In a Western country like the Netherlands, it can be very difficult to find people who are on the same spiritual path or follow the same traditions. For years, I felt trapped in my own body, as if I were imprisoned. My entire being was screaming for help, desperate to break free. During that time, I searched for someone who could guide me and uplift me on my spiritual journey. I spent a lot of money on “mediums,” hoping to find connection or guidance, but all I encountered were empty words. In the end, I realized that no one could truly help me; it seemed they only cared about money. Eventually, I gave up searching. Ten years later, I was no longer looking for a master. I didn’t feel the need for one, as I had always been connected to Sathya Sai Baba since childhood. Over the years, I came to understand that Sai Baba had always been with me—guiding, protecting, and teaching me valuable life lessons to help me grow spiritually. When my father told me about an Indian guru coming to a temple in Onderdijk, I wasn’t interested. I casually replied, “Oh, okay.” At that point, I knew I had Sathya Sai Baba, so I thought, “Why would I need anyone else?” But my father insisted that one of us should go while the other stayed home with my mom. I decided to stay with her.

On the day of the event, my father was ready to leave. Standing at the door with his jacket on, he said, “Are you sure? Please come with me. We’ll have a coffee and leave early. We’ll only stay for half an hour or so. I agreed, put on my jacket, and went with him—not knowing this would become the biggest turning point in my life. When I saw Mohanji that day, tears started flowing uncontrollably. We ended up staying until the very end. I wasn’t used to receiving hugs, but Mohanji gave me a warm, loving hug and said, “I am with you.” The day before, I had prayed to Sai Baba, asking, “Please, always be with me.”

Mentally, I didn’t recognize Mohanji, but my soul did. I felt so much love. I also noticed the beautiful people around him, many of whom were my age! For the first time, I felt like I was coming home. I don’t have much contact with my biological family, but this felt different. It felt like a big, loving family. Over the next two days, I canceled all my plans to visit Mohanji at the temple again. I was so happy afterward, but doubts also crept into my mind. I started wondering if I was betraying Sathya Sai Baba. If I followed another master, did that mean I lacked faith in Sai Baba? Who would I pray to—Sai Baba or Mohanji? Sathya Sai Baba appeared in front of me. He stood with one arm extended toward me, his hand open, and said, ‘Come home, my child.’ I replied, ‘I want to, but how?’ Baba smiled and went away. I thought I was hallucinating, unsure of what had just happened. I was in shock. (Looking back, I realize how silly that question was. Everything was right in front of me, yet I still asked, “How?”) I later asked Mohanji if it was real that Baba stood before me or if I was imagining things. Mohanji replied, “Yes, you saw me.” In a dream, I attended a satsang with Mohanji. Shortly after, I attended another satsang—this time with Sai Baba. To my surprise, Sai Baba was giving the exact same message I had just heard from Mohanji! Shocked, I ran to Sai Baba and said, “I’ve already heard this satsang; Mohanji just said the same thing!” Sai Baba laughed and replied, “I know. We are the same.”

This dream lifted the weight of doubt from my shoulders. I realized that feelings of betrayal exist only on a mental level. How fortunate am I that Sai Baba sent me a living master like Mohanji to guide me toward the highest good? I had spent years searching for answers, and now Mohanji was providing them so simply. Without him, I might have spent lifetimes searching for the same truths.We should always be grateful for having Mohanji in our lives. But gratitude alone is not enough; we also need to practice the teachings. It’s not just about learning them but about applying them. We need to work on ourselves and honestly reflect inward. Imagine how many lifetimes it would take to gather the wisdom Mohanji gives us so freely! We are incredibly fortunate, and we must do our part. We must work to “come home.” Mohanji believes in all of us, so why don’t we believe in ourselves? I know I’m not there yet, but I trust that one day, I will be.